Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
