Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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