Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
