My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
