omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
