wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
