probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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