please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
