I feel great
I just peed on a car
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
