no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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