You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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