I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
