Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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