he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
