Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Randomize