i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
