remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
