Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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