I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
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In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
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She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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