That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
