I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
