You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
