Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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