Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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