Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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