I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
