Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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