Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
