Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
