WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
