If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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