$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
