My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
