Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
