you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
