My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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