Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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