So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
