Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
