everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
