Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
