he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
