i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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