Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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