Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
