I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
