just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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