i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
