Buhtt sex?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
