a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Less talking, more tequila
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
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