Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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